I study people with high emotional intelligence for a living—8 things they never ever do when talking to others

Individuals with exceptional emotional intelligence possess the uncommon skill of recognizing not only their own emotions but also the emotions of those around them. They leverage this understanding to actively connect with people and foster unity.


Drawing on two decades of research on the behaviors of emotionally intelligent individuals as the author of “Emotional Intelligence Game Changers: 101 Ways to Succeed in Life & Work,” I’ve delved into the intricacies of this subject. To nurture and enhance meaningful connections, effective communication and adept interpretation of body language are essential.

Discover the eight actions that individuals with elevated emotional intelligence consistently avoid when engaging in conversations with others:

1. They don’t focus just on themselves.

Acknowledging someone for their accomplishments and the pride they take in their work is universally valued.

When expressed genuinely, this act ensures that you leave a positive and lasting impression, setting you apart from those who may have overlooked such achievements.

2. They don’t force their opinions onto others.

Engaging in arguments or making someone feel pressured tends to trigger defensiveness and the construction of barriers. Such an approach hinders your persuasive endeavors.

A more effective strategy is to empower the other person by granting them a sense of control. Encourage them to share their thoughts while you actively listen, fostering a more receptive and cooperative atmosphere.

3. They don’t say, “It’s not my responsibility.”

Outstanding employees don’t ignore problems or opportunities to assist simply because it falls outside the confines of their job description.

They consistently demonstrate a willingness to invest their time and share their knowledge. Seeing their role as an integral component of the larger organizational framework, they actively seek ways to contribute to the overall success of the company.

4. They don’t waste their time with just anybody.

Individuals who are mentally resilient and self-aware intentionally surround themselves with like-minded, positive individuals who share similar goals and aspirations. Within this supportive network, they celebrate each other’s accomplishments and provide mutual encouragement.

Conversely, spending time with negative individuals can deplete your energy. In such situations, it’s essential to minimize interaction and tune out the negativity to safeguard your well-being.

5. They don’t let anything distract them when others are speaking.

Have you ever conversed with someone who appeared distracted, glancing around or checking the time while you were speaking? Such behaviors can make you feel undervalued.

To convey your attentiveness, position yourself squarely, maintain a warm smile, and establish eye contact. These non-verbal cues signal to others that you are fully engaged and present in the conversation.

6. They don’t forget the little details.

When initially meeting someone, make a conscious effort to remember and incorporate their name throughout the conversation. Extend this memorization to key details such as the names of their family members, pets, or preferred vacation spots. By mentioning these details during subsequent interactions, you create a lasting impression.

As your connection evolves, go a step further by noting significant dates like birthdays or anniversaries. Taking the initiative to send cards or make calls on these occasions further solidifies your relationship and demonstrates genuine interest and consideration.

7. They stay away from offensive or tasteless jokes.

In straightforward terms, if there’s even a chance that a joke could be offensive to someone, it’s best to refrain from saying it. Making offensive jokes is a swift way to alienate people, signaling a lack of awareness and sensitivity on your part.

8. They don’t do all the talking.

Individuals with high emotional intelligence actively strive to listen and comprehend the nuances of a situation. They pose questions that provide others with the opportunity to articulate their thoughts and feelings, fostering a deeper understanding of their actions.


By framing your questions thoughtfully, you can pave the way for more meaningful conversations and contribute to the resolution of the matter at hand